You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She bit a glass in half.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
