Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
