According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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