I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
