I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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