I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i out mim tonsoeep
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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