apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
