you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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