im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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