I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
