Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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