I got chris browned last night
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
