worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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