i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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