Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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