hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
