9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
