my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
