the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
