Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
