This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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