cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
