Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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