We're facebook friends in real life
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
