i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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