I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
