once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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