u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I FOUND THE LEGS
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
