She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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