Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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