he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
