i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
