I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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