Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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