mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Vodka?
Forever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize