Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
