That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
