Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
