im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
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Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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