how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
