So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me