so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
