His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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