I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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