if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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