We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
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I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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