Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
