i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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