i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
