Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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