Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
