i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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