Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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