I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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