I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
