I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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