is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
