I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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